Own It Read online

  I’m met with a loud snore and roll my eyes. Perfect.

  I shuffle across the condo, grabbing some Motrin and water to leave on his side table for when he wakes with a splitting headache, and on my way back to my room grab the whiskey bottle and carry it with me.

  My bother might be a lightweight, but I’ve gotten very accustomed to the buzz. A few more shots won’t kill me.

  “Come on Lauren, we’re going to be late,” my brother snaps from my bedroom door.

  “I’m not certain why you need me to go with you, Christopher,” I mutter, placing an earring in the second hole in my ear.

  I haven’t gotten this dressed up in a long time and I’m sad that it’s going to waste on a day like today. The black dress dips just low enough in the front to be considered inappropriate for a funeral and the backless design leaves barely anything to the imagination, but to be honest I don’t plan on going inside the funeral home. I’m just like this for the plans after the funeral.

  Milky’s bar and grill. Sounds like a dump, right? Well it’s not. It’s the most up and coming ritzy bar the city has to offer and my brother managed to rent the whole place out this afternoon. I just have to make it through the morning then I’m on my way to finding a warm bed tonight.

  “You’re my sister and he was my best friend. Of course you’re coming. Plus,” he starts, walking into the room. “I’m tired of seeing you mope around the house. It’s time to get out and take your life back, Lo.”

  “Starting with a funeral,” I mutter, bringing the deep purple lipstick to my lips and swipe it on. I spin in my chair and lock eyes with my brother who’s staring at me like he’s seeing a ghost.

  “You look like mom, Lo.” He whispers. I furrow my brows and look back to the mirror Sure, the distinct jawline and brown eyes may be the same, but I’m nothing like that woman.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “You do. She’d never wear anything that revealing,” he growls, tightening his fists at his side. “But you do. Beautiful.”

  “Right,” I chuckle nervously. I don’t want to remind anyone of that woman. “Come on, let’s go.” I want this over with.

  We walk outside after a short elevator ride down the thirty three floors of the condo building and are met with the driver for the day. Aaron.

  “You coming?”

  “Yep.” I climb in. “Hey I think I’ll just stay in the car while you go in and pay your respects.”

  I don’t look at my brother while talking. I can’t. I know he wants me with him today, and I’m here for support, but I can’t walk into that funeral home and not lose my shit. I think I’m dealing rather nicely… at times… but that will break me completely all over again.

  “Are you sure? You knew him too, you know.”

  “Yea… I just.” I take a break and shake my head, looking up at him and forcing a smile. “I can’t, Chris. I just can’t.”

  His eyes turn sympathetic and he nods, reaching across the bench and taking my hand in his.

  “I get it. It’s ok, I won’t be long. Promise.”

  I smile and nod, pulling my hand away.

  “Thanks. And don’t worry. My phone’s fully charged and I just started a good book. I could sit here and read all day.”

  He shakes his head and returns his gaze out the window, giving me time to remember to breathe as we pull down the street of the funeral home. It’s such a big city, but of course my son’s funeral and the funeral of my brother’s best friend have to be at the same place.

  Of fucking course.

  “You ok?” he whispers, looking across the car at me.

  “Absolutely.” I muster a brave smile before he leaves me by myself in the car. Well, myself and the driver.

  “Not going in today?” His eyes pin me from the rearview mirror. He’s pretty, but I’m not about fucking my brother’s employees.

  “No.” I pull out my phone and open my reading app. This book was just starting to get good when I had to go to bed last night and I haven’t had time to read at all yet today. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in a book I can sit there for hours on end until I read the entire thing, which is what I wish I could have done with this one. At least I know I have some time until my brother comes back and we head to the bar. I tuck my headphones into my ear and get comfortable in my seat as the driver finds a parking spot in the lot. I probably am being rude to him, but I need to read and get my mind off what’s happening inside that building right now.

  The book sucks me in, and before I know it I’m staring at the end, attempting to turn the pages to get more of the story but it’s not moving. Two hours and I still didn’t get the ending of the book! And now I have to wait for another one!

  “Fuck!” I belt, tossing the phone on the seat. “Fucking book.”

  She was just getting through to him… they were going to be okay… then BAM! Car crash and end of book. I can’t deal with this. I need the next one!

  “Miss, you okay?” Aaron asks from the front seat. I glance up at him and he’s smiling back at me. “I noticed you looked pretty distraught there. I hope you don’t mind, you just look so beautiful and it gets pretty boring sitting up here all this time with nothing to do. “

  Who does that? Isn’t he supposed to be a professional?

  “Uh… yea, I’m fine. Just a really good book,” I mutter, grabbing my phone and shooting a text to my brother.

  ME: Driver’s creeping me out. I don’t like getting hit on in a car. Need to fire him.

  I hit send and roll my eyes. The crowd outside isn’t dying down and I’m sure my brother’s in the middle of it, mingling like the businessman he is.

  I wait a half hour and when there’s no response I huff and groan to myself.

  “Hey Aaron, I’m heading in to get him. I’ll be back.” Grabbing my clutch I open the door and the sunlight almost blinds me. Shit.

  “Here, let me help.” Aaron’s at the door of the car holding it open for me, probably just wanting to get a glimpse of the back of this dress and I can’t blame him.

  It’s hot.

  “Thanks. I’ll be back shortly.”

  I’m certain his eyes follow me as I trek across the parking lot but I’m just happy to be out of the car with him.

  I walk into the funeral home with one goal in mind. That is, until I plow into a hard body just inside the front doors.

  “Shit, sorry,” I mumble, almost losing my footing from hitting him so hard. “Good thing you weren’t old, I probably would have plowed straight over you.” I nervously laugh as I lean down to pick up my purse and when I stand and look at the person I just assaulted he’s staring at me with a look in his eyes I can’t place.

  His beautiful eyes.

  “Holy fuck.” I manage.

  “I could say the same thing,” he whispers. He extends his hand and, being on autopilot out of pure embarrassment, I slide my palm into his and let his warm, massive hand, engulf mine.

  “Sorry for that,” I say, smiling like a damn schoolgirl. When I hear someone near me sniffle I’m brought back to the reason why I’m here and I shake off the lust that was momentarily clouding my judgment. “Sorry, I really should get going. I was trying to find someone and it’s awfully crowded in here.” I look around at all the people and no one even resembles someone my brother knows and I inwardly groan. This is going to take forever.

  “It was nice meeting you. Maybe we’ll meet again.” He winks then heads towards the doors and I step aside.

  “Of course. Have a good one,” I say, definitely not watching him leave.

  Damn that’s a cute butt.

  I scour the building, each room of the damn funeral home, looking for my bother. I don’t want to go into the final room, but it looks like I’m going to have to.

  The family room. The room they reserve for grieving family members that need a break from everything going on out there. From the looks of it, the place has been full of people for hours on end now, so any and all of the family that’s here
is going to be taking breaks at some point.

  When I walk through the door I see my brother with his arms wrapped around Paisley, Brandon’s widow, and roll my eyes so fucking hard at him.

  Less than a week and already moving in on his best friend’s girl. Jesus, Christ.

  “Hey,” I state loudly enough for him to know I’m talking to him and see everything he’s doing. “We need to head out.” I raise an eyebrow at him and flick my gaze to Paisley, who’s currently wiping her nose that’s redder than Rudolf’s.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles to the widow. “I’ll be in contact. Don’t hesitate to call or text if you need anything.” He pulls her in for another hug and I have to leave the room before I say something that I’ll regret.

  Storming to the car, he’s hot on my heels and the minute we’re behind closed doors he lays into me. I knew it was coming, I could tell from the twitch in his lips when I walked into that family room that he was annoyed. At least he saved it for private eyes only.

  “You plan on telling me what that’s all about?” He’s angry, sure, but it’s more annoyance than anything coming from him.

  “I just walked in and watched you groping your best friend’s widow, Chris. Save it.”

  “I wasn’t groping her, Lo. I was consoling her. It’s what people do when their friends suffer a massive loss.” He huffs and loosens his tie.

  “Fine. Just watch it. Don’t be that guy, I’m warning you I’ll rip off your testicles and feed them to you.”

  He barks out a laugh and looks over at me.

  “You’re losing your damn mind, little sis. You know that?”

  “I sure as hell do. Now let’s get to the bar. I’m thirsty.”

  “Hey that text you sent me a little bit ago?” he holds his phone up, just now reading the SOS text I had sent and his brows pinch together as he nods up front.

  “Yes. I meant every word of it.” I cross my arms and lean back in the seat and he chuckles.

  “It doesn’t work like that, Lo, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Thank you.” I smile at him, then turn my gaze out the window.

  I did ok today I think. I managed to walk inside a funeral home, during a funeral, and not freak out. Actually, I was so rattled by the man at the door than by seeing my brother with Paisley that I completely forgot to be worried about the type of setting I was in.

  I’d say that’s as good a reason as any to get plastered tonight and find someone to go home with.

  “For once in your life couldn’t you be on time?” My mother scoffs from the front seat. How the fuck old am I? She’s treating me like I’m twelve, but I’m fairly certain I just celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday.

  “Mother I got held up at the door. It won’t happen again.” I sigh and lay my head back on the seat in pure exhaustion. If it weren’t for the woman plowing into me just inside the door and causing me to take a moment to catch my breath and collect my thoughts I’d have been on time for the funeral procession. Apparently I’m holding things up… but we’re still sitting here so I know it’s not my fault.

  Fuck. My baby brother’s goddamned funeral. How the hell did this happen? He was always the safe one and me the wild one. If anyone should have gone first it should have been me, not him!

  “You could at least act like you want to be here. It’s your brother’s day and all.” She shakes her head and I completely lose it.

  “Mom! Wake the fuck up, I don’t want to be here! No one should want to be here! Because here?” I wave my arms around at all the cars and people around our vehicle, “here is a fucking funeral for your son that shouldn’t have ever had to happen in your lifetime!” She looks like I just slapped her across the face. “You know what, I’m riding with Uncle Tony. At least they see today for what it really is and not another publicity stunt. You fucking lost your son. You should look like you care more.” I huff, opening the door and stepping out of the Lincoln Navigator and making my way three cars back to my uncle’s car.

  There’s no music at the cemetery. He was cremated so the only thing to carry is a tiny fucking box.

  A box with my brother’s ashes.

  Fuck my life, what the hell did he do to deserve this?

  I take my seat right next to his widow and reach over, grabbing Addison, my baby niece, and placing her on my lap. If I focus my attention on making her happy I won’t have to focus on the ceremony. I’d rather not focus on anything right now other than making these kids happy. My nieces mean the world to me, and now they don’t have a father to help raise them into outstanding human beings so I’m making it my job to help with that however I can. Paisley, my brother’s wife… er, widow… is an amazing mother to these girls, but she’s also now a grieving one who has to learn how to raise these kids on her own. Sure, I’m certain financially she’ll be fine, but she’s already stretched thin. Now it’s just going to get worse. That’s where I come in. I already have been thinking of turning one of the extra rooms in my house into a bedroom for the girls. It’ll be nice for when Paisley needs a break and hopefully help out.

  Hell, I don’t know. Maybe that’s dumb and presumptuous, but what else can I do?

  By the time the funeral ends my sister in law is reduced to a puddle of tears while she clutches onto their nine month old baby girl like she’s her lifeline and their three year old Emma is fast asleep in my arms.

  This I can do. I can do ‘good uncle.’ This I know.

  “Ah, Jett,” my brother’s business partner, Stan, stops me on the walk back to Paisley’s waiting car. I turn and give him the look that says this isn’t the time for business, but that’s never stopped him before. “I’m going to need you to come in to the office this week, you know, once everything settles down. We need to go over your brother’s things.” He clasps my shoulder and nods. “I’m really sorry for your loss, man.” He manages to look distraught over this but it’s hard to tell with him.

  “Why would I have anything to do with my brother’s belongings at the office? I haven’t been there in years,” I whisper, not wanting to wake Emma.

  “All the same, there are still things we need to discuss.” He gives me a curt nod and walks away, leaving me wondering what the fuck is going on.

  “How you doing?” I ask Paisley as I lock Emma into her car seat.

  “Fine,” she clips, putting the baby’s car seat into the base. “Just fucking perfect.”

  “Hey,” I stop and look across the car to her. “I’m your brother. You don’t have to put on a tough face for me.”

  She closes her mouth and takes a deep breath. “I have to stay ok for the girls, Jett. That’s all there is to it. We’ll get through this.” Her voice tightens and she tries clearing her throat to push away the tears but fails miserably. I round the car and wrap my arms around her.

  “It’ll be fine Paise. Totally fine.” I murmur into her hair as she lets go of another round of tears. I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now and I feel like a dick for not asking sooner how she’s holding up. I mean, it’s a fucking stupid question to ask a woman at her husband’s funeral, but I feel like I should have been paying more attention to her today. I’m her only brother, after all.

  “I can’t do this without him,” she hiccups into my shirt.

  “Yes you can, and you will. And when you’re having a shit day and just need to down a few bottles of wine, I’ll take the girls off your hands. I’m their uncle. They need to grow up knowing how amazing I am.” I smirk and she pulls back and laughs.

  “Yes. They do. Sorry about the wet spot,” she says, trying to wipe it away.

  “No worries. It adds character.” I shrug. “You heading to Milkey’s with everyone?”

  “I need to get the girls home.” She looks drained and I can bet the girls aren’t going to let her get an ounce of sleep tonight. Maybe I’ll take them to the zoo or some shit soon to give her a break.

  “Got it. I’ll call tomorrow, okay?”

  “Thanks, Jett. I’
ll be fine, I promise.” She gives me another hug then slides into the car.

  I stand and watch her pull away before walking to my uncle’s car. My entire family, minus Paisley and the girls, will be at Milkey’s so when my uncle hands me a flask as soon as I close the car door I take it willingly.

  I’ve made it a point to distance myself from my family. I love them, but they never truly accepted that I didn’t want a part in the business I started with my brother or be a lawyer like my father was. I like my freedom too much. I was the wild child of the family. The wild card, so to speak, and I fucking owned that card.

  That fact alone is the only thing that’s kept me going today. After today’s over, I’m free from them once again. I just have to make it through tonight.

  “Your brother was a beautiful soul, Jett. You should be proud of everything he’s accomplished. He really made something of the Voss name.”

  I huff and take another swig of my beer. If it wasn’t for my initial financial help my brother’s business wouldn’t have been where it is now. The man that’s been talking to me for a half hour now smiles and for the life of me I can’t remember who he is. I take a swig of my beer, having lost count an hour or so ago, and nod.

  “Yep,” I say, trying to find a reason to get away from this man who only wants to talk about my brother.

  I mean yea, this is his party, but I’m not all for reminiscing old times. What’s the good in looking back? I’m a ‘strictly look forward’ type of guy. Find the positive.

  I need to find the positive in this entire situation, and I will.

  “Excuse me,” I finally mutter, interrupting his talk about stocks or some boring bullshit.

  Sure, I have money. Not a ton, but I’m better off than most and I have my brother and his exquisite financial skills to thank for it, but if there’s one thing I hate it’s talking stocks.

  I stand and gain my bearings before heading back over to the bar.